The Tragedy of Contentment

I was sorting through my laundry this morning when I saw my pants – my recent purchases (because I don’t fit into my old jeans anymore). Size 8.  Really? Waay before, I wished and I did all I could to increase my clothing size. Now, I am finding ways how I could trim it down.

Since I was a kid, I was skinny. Actually, ‘skinny’ makes it sound nice. haha. I was THIN. yes, like 0% fat that I looked malnourished already. I was a highschool freshman and I was size 0. My batchmates were already looking like young adults while I stay thin like a child not fed three times a day. Seriously. I was a ‘zero’ until I turned 18! I was all thin – could-break-at-one-kick kind.

16-year-old me


A photo during my pre-debut photoshoot

Upon entering college, I miraculously became a size 2! yey! I was happy, of course.. It was dream come true.. (or maybe a dream starting to come true and eventually become disastrous). Anyways, I was happy then but I still think I look skinny so efforts were still done. This includes eating spicy food every chance I get so I could eat more rice. Really, I did that because a cousin gave it as an advice.. 🙂


photo form early college years


the college sophomore Angel

I was getting chubby, which is good… but I guess they’re all fat. Junior year, I joined the university’s basketball team. It’s much different from being a player for the intramurals. There were a lot more training that were also waay more difficult. But joining the team somehow increased my size. I was immediately a size 6. I actually panicked to be honest. However, people were saying I actually looked better, plus I wasn’t just getting bigger, I had a toned body, as they said. I was happy but I think I need a little more, just a little more. I still think I look thin!

Junior year, the year I joined the varsity team
4th year – the “Partytecture” Ball


the graduating Angel – visiting the school to submit some requirements

Somehow wish came true – I got bigger – but now I don’t want it. I already had a BIG appetite which means my normal meal needs to have at least two cups of rice. Continuing this kind of eating without basketball as an exercise? Tragic. I was starting to get bigger to what I am right now. A size 8. I know some people would think it’s still fine I’m not overweight or something. But the thing is, even my family would tell me I should lose weight. They say your family tells the truth, the kind of truth other people won’t be telling you, right? So I guess I should try to shed off some fats? I don’t know.. I’m soo lazy lately that when I don’t have things to do, I just lie down on my bed. No more running and all those cardio I usually do. This time, I wish I could be back to being a 6..

Angel after college
after-college photo

All these made me realize that it’s very difficult to become contented and satisfied with what we currently have. In my case, body size. When I was a zero, I wanted to be bigger. When I became bigger, I wanted to be thinner.. They’d say we should be contented. However, contentment isn’t always a good thing. Some people are stuck at contentment that they don’t strive to be better, when they could actually be the best. They just stay at that ‘better’ phase and be contented with it. We always have to think that the best is yet to come. Sometimes we think we already are at our best. Well, we’re not. There’s more to it. Never stop striving and aiming for more. But remember, never compete with others. Compete with yourself. 🙂

Angel ♥

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